Onwards and Upwards

Tassie’s scenic east coast – referred to by locals as the “sun coast” because of its generous helping of sunshine (by Tasmanian standards) – is basically a constant run of long sandy beaches, punctuated by fine fishing spots. Given that we’re shit at fishing and great at sunbathing, well, you don’t need to be a brain scientist to work out what we were heading for! If there was ever a picture postcard image of the perfect Tasmanian beach it would have to be Wineglass Bay, a glorious sweeping curve of yellow sand hidden on the east side of the Freycinet Peninsula. Obviously, we were headed here, but not without an overnight stop in popular Swansea. While the views of Great Oyster Bay and Nine Mile Beach were awesome, the town itself was a shithole, and so too the campsite where we sought refuge from the beating sun. “We’re surrounded by bogans”, quipped Marit. And she wasn’t wrong. Time forgot this drab seaside town - that was until we washed up!

The small township of Coles Bay – delightful – is dominated by spectacular granite outcrops called The Hazards. The formation marks the northern boundary of the beautiful Freycinet National Park, world renowned for its magnificent scenery. And quite rightly too; aside from the beaches the wild undergrowth and exotic wildlife make this park a pleasure to be in. Being stupid the stupid monkeys we were, we’d overlooked the fact that our gas canister might not fit the stove. What dicks! Planning a multi day trek anywhere, let alone Tassie, requires forethought and preparation, not just adrenalin and strong legs! As it was, we came upon a fantastic bakery where we eyed two great pies and packed them into the rucksacks. Complete with water, nanas and a few crunch bars to boot we set off on the 20kms overnight tramp to Cooks Bay where, little did we know it, we’d have to battle it out with the local wallabies to dine on our chosen pies. It’s been a bugbear of ours since we travelled; why the f**k do fat f**kers attempt walks and climbs that are, and they know it, well beyond them?! The steep climb up and over the ridge to the stunning Wineglass Bay is both steep and demanding – just ask Holly and Zoë – or Zoë, she lost her front tooth (might have been the cheap cider!) But they there in there hoards, huffing and puffing, sweating and panting, placing one foot in front of the other in the hope that there’ll be a McDonald’s meal to sort them out at the other end! Piss off you unfit bastards and leave the hiking to the rest of us!

Thankfully they are no McDonald’s within a 100km radius of Freycinet, or any other fast food joints for that matter, so once you’re clear of the busy Wineglass track it’s free and easy walking. A good three hour hike along the beaches and through the bush brings you out at secluded Cooks Bay and, well, you simply do what you want. And we did. After all, it was just us, a magnificent beach, and a few deli pies! Ah, the joy of free camping. If only we’d brought a week’s supplies, even if it was just pies.